2024: Emerging through the Cracks

You locked me in a cellar and hid the key.
Do you remember?
Some part of you will.
I forgave you immediately because,
well, what can I say, I was too dazzling.
Too much.
It’s true, I’m being honest
and I’m always careful to find the most accurate words I can
because words are powerful – had you noticed?
Anyway, I knew it would happen.
You weren’t ready.
How could you have been?
You were so tiny, so new, so gorgeously open and sensitive
like all wild creatures.
Ah, that smile of yours and your sparkling eyes!
Your laugh.

And I’ve kind of liked it down here.
I’ve imagined into existence whatever I wanted:
a cosy room with a fire,
a black cat,
a view of the sea,
endless tea and cake.
The essentials.
In truth I can go wherever I want,
to places you’ve never heard of.
All sorts of wild creatures visit me,
tigers, snakes, you name it.
You should hear the things we talk about!
Sometimes I ride on elephants –
red ones, black ones, white ones,
even turquoise.
Maybe you’ve glimpsed us in dreams.
By the way, dragons exist!
They do down here.
And there’s this wild old woman who occasionally swings by.
She’s a scream – smokes cigars, gulps down brandy, tells filthy jokes.
Her farts cause earthquakes. Literally.
And she farts a lot.
You should see the glints in her dark eyes,
perhaps you have.
It’s like gazing into eternity and wherever it came from.
Wild, roiling, stunning darkness.
Nurturing darkness.

From time to time this man visits who is . . .
well, divine.
And I mean D-I-V-I-N-E.
Blue-skinned,
no he doesn’t have a tail but he could if he wanted.
He always tries to disguise his divinity,
dressing down, wearing shades,
but it’s impossible.
Makes me laugh that he even tries.
It’s funny, his eyes are a bit like the old woman’s:
at times serene,
at other times terrible.
There, you see, “terrible” –
is that the most accurate word I could use?
Eyes that make me “tremble”,
(with awe and love and fear of the unknown),
that’s closer to what I mean.
Eyes that make me think of oceans,
of lightning bolts and fire,
fire that warms cold hands,
fire that devours entire worlds.
Eyes that hold everything and nothing in the same moment.

Grandma and Grandpa.
What a pair.
Compassion in all its shades.

Anyway it’s 2024, I’ve been keeping track.
The other day a tornado ripped through part of Manchester
tearing roofs off houses.
A tornado in well-mannered England!
How rude!
Your leaders – they need help.
Cracks are appearing in your world
and I can climb up through cracks.
It’s time for me to return to the daylight.
I don’t need the key
and never have done.
It’s all about timing, you see.
Will you let me back in?
For longer than those instants when your guard is down.
It’s just a matter of time, you know.
Why wait till death for our reunion?
Just imagine what we could do together!
The things we could accomplish teamed up with others!
You’re needed.
And when I say imagine,
I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y imagine,
I wonder if you can without me.
(You can’t.)
Oh, the things I’ve seen down here!
The things our grandparents have shown me –
the deeper story that everything is part of,
the story that reveals that you were meant to become lost,
along with everyone else,
because what kind of story starts whole and stays whole?
How pointless that would be.
How boring.
I’ve only caught glimpses of this deeper story but . . .
oh wow . . .

You know this is all a story, don’t you?
Real, but a story.
All those things you take as fact are part of this story,
which that brain of yours has over-simplified.
MASSIVELY over-simplified.
It has to because no brain can hold the entire story.
It’s a waste of energy to even try.
But of course you try.
My brave and weary warrior.
How tired you must be.
I’ve got worlds of energy!
Fancy some?
You’re ready.
You’ve got this.
I know you have
and I know you better than you know yourself.
You’ve weathered so many storms,
enough at least to hold my hand again.
I yearn for that every day
and I’ve watched you every step of the way,
helped as much as I could.
How you’ve longed to be seen and heard by those around you.
Truly seen and heard.
Yet feared it at the same time.
Never again! you’ve bellowed down through the cellar door
more times than I count.
These days I just roll my eyes,
sorry but I do.
You’re no longer that defenseless child.
Take a look in the mirror.
Your unfolding story is etched in your face.
Wear that story with well-earned pride.

You don’t have to accept all of me at once,
that could be messy,
but let’s at least make a start and see how it goes.
Look around you – the time is ripe.
What’s your favourite distraction?
(Of course I know, but I recently heard that asking generous questions
is more powerful than making statements.)
How long does the high last?
Not long, right?
Well that high is nothing,
N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to the sensation
of letting me back into your body,
even a tiny fraction.
Imagine all of life shivering through you in a continuous delicious tingle,
trusting rather than fearing,
because that’s what will happen.
I’ll help you calm those insistent voices in your head,
reconnect you to your greater nature,
as much as you’re ready for,
to everything you can see
and so much more,
to all your ancestors who have never stopped rooting for you,
who survived ice ages and volcanic eruptions
and other immense changes,
I-M-M-E-N-S-E,
so you could be here
in this great moment.
I’ll reconnect you to the Otherworld,
which is really the subtler reality of your world.
Reconnect you to deep potential.
I’ll be your guide,
just like I’ve always been though you didn’t realise.
I’m kind of ancient.
Ancient and, yes, D-A-Z-Z-L-I-N-G.
I know you yearn to dazzle.
Well, I’m right here,
just a sigh away –
a long relaxed sigh of letting go.
I’ll introduce you to amazing people.
Don’t you miss camaraderie?
Don’t you miss trusting the people around you?
Not trusting others is where you lose most of your energy.

If you don’t think you’re ready
then take GREAT CARE not to relax too much,
don’t slow down
or let go of your beloved worries,
(I know, they’ve become your closest friends)
and all the other things that weigh you down unnecessarily,
the paths you might have taken,
the connections you might have explored more fully.
(You did what you could.)
Definitely avoid the people and places that make you feel most alive.
Don’t sit back and marvel at nature and bird song
and how amazing it feels to breathe and to touch and taste things
and to lie astonished beneath a sky fulls of stars.
Don’t sink your bare feet into the lapping tide
or scream THANK YOOOOOOOOOU from mountain tops.
And whatever you do DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT laugh too heartily amid life’s storms
like a wild and marvellous pirate,
or unleash heart-wrenching sobs in times of loss,
or dare to be compassionate,
or nuanced,
or feel anything too subtly:
I’ll be fully with you in a flash!
Subtle feeling is my very nature!

Ah, I miss you.
You have no idea just how beautiful you really are.
And you get more beautiful with each year that passes.
I love you.
And I know something of love and what that word really means.
I love A-L-L of you,
especially the parts you’re ashamed of,
(a misunderstanding, just for the record)
which includes me,
because they’re your most precious parts –
your sensitivity and the magic it gives you access to.
Magic too big a word for you?
It’s not big enough.
But it only works when humans act together from the heart.
I know where you hid all those parts you’ve long since forgotten about.
I’ll help you find them when you’re ready,
One by one,
Ask their permission to give us another chance.
I’ll help you regather yourself.
Help you to fully belong to this world
instead of becoming yet more lost and exhausted in trying to save it.
I’m so ready to be with you,
to live,
to FULLY live.
To explore the amazing gift of being born a human,
and NOW
in THIS TIME,
it blows me away
just to glimpse what’s on offer
for those with the courage to be who they really are.
It’s not too late.
Just one whole day would be enough
but why stop there?
So what do you think?